Have you ever been at a cookout, laughing, talking, and out of nowhere, someone brings up a topic that makes everyone pause? Maybe it’s something personal, maybe it’s a little awkward. But guess what? Sometimes, those unexpected moments are exactly what we need to have important conversations—especially when it comes to sexual wellness.
For a lot of us in the Black community, talking about our health, bodies and sex lives isn’t always the easiest thing to do. It’s like there’s this invisible line drawn around certain topics—stuff that’s just not “appropriate” conversation topics. But just like we’ve been reclaiming our narratives in mental health, the arts and more, it’s time to include sexual wellness in that conversation too.
Whether it’s your best friend (that’s my best friend, go best friend) or your core group that you’ve known for-everrrrr, having honest talks about sexual health doesn’t have to be awkward, unapproachable or clinical. In fact, it could just be the next step toward being more informed, empowered and—honestly—feeling good about your body.
So, how do you get started?
1. Start from a Place of Care, Not Confrontation
If you want to bring up something as intimate as sexual wellness, the first step is making sure the setting (or vibe) is right. This conversation isn’t about lecturing or making anyone feel judged (yourself included); it’s about care. You can start by saying something like:
“Hey, I’ve been thinking about something lately, and I just wanted to share it with you. I’ve been doing some research about sexual wellness, and I learned something interesting.”
You’d be surprised how much a simple, casual opener can ease people into the conversation.
2. Bring In Some Culture for the Win
We don’t always have to reinvent the wheel. Our shared history and cultural references are powerful ways to open up these discussions without it feeling too heavy. In the Black community, we have tons of references we can pull from—whether it’s a song or a scene from a show that made us think. Let’s take Insecure, for example—Issa Rae and her friends definitely didn’t shy away from talking about sex, boundaries and pleasure. Or think about how artists like Megan Thee Stallion have become icons not just for their music but for owning their bodies and talking about sexual autonomy.
So, if you’re looking for an easy entry point, consider saying something like:
“I just rewatched an episode of Insecure where they were talking about their successes and challenges in self-care and sex? That made me realize that we don’t talk a lot about those topics.”
It’s a way to keep things light while making the topic feel familiar. Culture can help bridge the gap between a casual chat and a impactful conversation.
3. Keep It Simple: Health, Safety and Respect
You don’t need to dive straight into the nitty-gritty of anatomy or complex health stats. Keep things simple, but real. Start by talking about the basics: consent, health checkups, health-focused sex practices. It doesn’t have to feel like a class—just a conversation among friends. Maybe it’s something as simple as:
“I was talking to my doctor about getting tested regularly, and I realized I hadn’t made it a priority before. It feels like something we should be doing for ourselves.”
That one sentence could spark a whole conversation about the importance of sexual health.
4. Share Your Own Journey (Even If It’s Just the Small Stuff)
Sexual wellness isn’t just about facts; it’s about the personal journey. Maybe you’ve started getting regular checkups, have been experiences changes due to menopause or you’ve figured out what kind of contraception works best for you. Sharing your experience can make the conversation feel more real and less intimidating.
“I used to be shy about talking to my doctor about certain things, but once I started doing it, I felt way more in control of my health. It’s something we need to normalize.”
Opening up like this can encourage others to do the same. It’s not about “perfect” advice—it’s about sharing what works for you and letting others know that it’s okay to talk about it too.
5. Celebrate Growth—No Matter How Small
One of the best ways to keep the conversation going is to celebrate progress. Whether it’s scheduling that doctor’s appointment or having a serious conversation with a partner, acknowledge the little wins. It can be as simple as:
“I’m proud of myself for finally booking that appointment. That’s growing up at its finest!”
Celebrating each other’s growth—whether big or small—creates a sense of solidarity. It shows that taking care of ourselves is something worth celebrating. And sometimes, a little positive reinforcement is all we need to feel empowered.
6. Laughter Eases the Tension
Honestly, we know talking about sex can be uncomfortable. But that’s okay! One of the easiest ways to make it less weird is through humor. Whether you crack a joke about how awkward a doctor’s office visit can be or laugh about the weirdness of self-exploration, humor can help loosen things up.
“So you know how when you go to the doctor’s and they ask you about your sexual history. I’ve been working on my response for my next visit. Based on my recent dealings I think I’ll say “If my dating life was a movie, it’d definitely be rated R… but I don’t think anyone’s up for an Oscar yet.”
A little laughter goes a long way, especially when navigating a topic that might be a little taboo.
7. Let the Conversation Flow
Finally, remember that this is an ongoing conversation. It doesn’t have to happen all in one sitting. People need time to process, reflect and come back with their own thoughts. Keep the door open for future discussions. Maybe next time, it’ll be about a new health tip, a story or a random fact that makes everyone think.
Keep having those conversations. Stay Upspoken, community.