That Moment When… – Upspoken

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Love + Relationships

That Moment When…


We’ve all been there. The date with the soggy sandwich/waffle/[insert soggy food of your choice] type of guy who’s kinda cute but also you kinda wonder what you’re doing, where your life is headed, will you ever find the love of your life, who’s gonna be your date to your friend’s wedding next month?!?!?!?

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Navigating the dating world as a Black woman in the 21st century can be a wild ride, but no sweat. Let’s break down some of the common “issues” that come up while dating, and what you can do about them…

Expectations vs. Reality

That moment when: You’ve developed feelings for your seasonal fling (or vice versa). It started off as a care-free, casual situation-ship, maybe during summer or cuffing season. And you wanted it to stay that way. BUT THEN you’re in the feels and suddenly, you’re Draking and driving. What to do?

Solution: Feelings don’t just disappear sis. Be honest with yourself and use that to guide what comes next. Be upfront about the changes in your feelings. Honesty is the best policy. And if your boo is the one telling you he caught real feelings for you, listen and be kind. Let them know where you’re at and remember, one-sided relationships aren’t fun for anyone.

No Follow Through

That moment when: The guy you’re talking to expressed interest in seeing you… but you still ain’t seen their face! You’ve been texting for days, weeks, even months. You’ve been looking forward to seeing them, but all convos have been absolutely fruitless. Or maybe you’ve seen them a few times, but they often cancel plans, leave you hanging, or only text you at night. 🤔

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Solution: If they wanted to, they would’ve. Plain. 👏🏿 And.👏🏿 Simple.👏🏿 If this person is stringing you along, but you have more serious expectations, you don’t need to put up with it! Get outta there sis. And let’s be real — if you’re doing the same to someone else, check yo self. (Unless you’re both doing it and agree to keep it super casual — that’s okay too.)

Slim Pickin’s

That moment when: It seems like no one is meeting your standards. Friends/family/society are encouraging you to lower them, and you’re actually contemplating it. They got you thinking that maybe you’re asking for too much, or worse, they’re trying to set you up with your cousin’s boyfriend’s friend’s college roommate. 🤦🏿‍♀️

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Solution: Never compromise your happiness or your personal requirements. You know better than anyone else what you need in a relationship! Be transparent with your family and friends about where you’re at and what your standards are. Thanks, but you’re going to continue doing you.

The Dreaded Deadline

That moment when: Your biological clock is ticking and the fear of being single forever is looming. Baby fever? SOS!

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Solution: Screw the timeline. We are all on different paths to self-actualization. Love yo’self. Treat yo’self. This is the time to become the person you know you are meant to be. Focus on manifesting positive energy into other aspects of your life. Go after that promotion! Go on that trip you’ve been putting off! Volunteer somewhere! Balance yo checkbook! (You know you need to.)


Have you been in one of these situations before? What did you do? Tell us in the comments below! And remember, nothing is perfect, but happiness is self-defined. 🌟