Three Things I Had to Unlearn About Love and Sex from Past Relationships – Upspoken

Type to search

Love + Relationships

Three Things I Had to Unlearn About Love and Sex from Past Relationships


We’ve all been there before. Curled in a ball at the end of our couch, wrapped in our coziest cover, snacking on munchies, and watching our favorite heart-wrenching romcom. If this sounds familiar you’ve probably gone through a pretty tough break-up. Welcome to the club sis! While heartbreak might feel like the end of the world, I’m here to tell you it’s not.

We often look at our past relationships as a loss or time wasted. Yet, in every relationship, there is a lesson to be learned to help us grow. How do you dominate your breakup?


From break up to make up, here are the three things I had to unlearn about sex and relationships to keep on carrying on as an Upspoken woman.

My relationships define me

The first day of a breakup is always the hardest. Isn’t it? You wake up after a good sleep, crack your puffy eyes open, give a big yawn, then finally register  “holy sh*t, I’m single.” If you’re anything like me, this is when your thoughts begin to spiral starting with the every daunting question including “who am I without [insert name of ex-bae of whom you will get over after reading this]?” When we get into a relationship, we can sometimes develop this thing called codependency. Like an addiction, we grow a seemingly inextricable attachment to our significant other. With codependency comes a lost sense of self, often allowing our relationships to define us. Well let me remind you that you were a whole person before you met ‘em! You are your own person. You do not need another person to complete you. You were and always have been that Upspoken woman. So love yourself first. I mean really love yourself because there is only one you.


Sex is about pleasing others

When did we stop having sex for our pleasure? All too often we put our partners before ourselves. We love so deeply that we let their needs come first and make the innocent mistake of confusing our partner’s satisfaction with our own. We get them to the finish line, feel like champions, and then ask ourselves, “hey, what about me?” You need to get yours, sis. Whenever you want. Periodt! Sex is by far one of the best perks in any situationship, and it should never be taken advantage of. So don’t leave yourself hangin’ boo. Just be sure to always use protection, okurrr!


Your significant other determines your future

We all have life-changing experiences that make us who we are. We enter these chapters in our lives as one person and leave as another. These experiences push us into unfamiliar spaces and drive us in new directions. And sometimes these experiences seem to happen to us. To keep it real sis, they don’t. You are the ultimate driving force of your experiences. This means that you are the author of your own life story. You can write, and rewrite the chapters of your life any way you please. So write a life story that you will be proud of because you define your destiny.


Sometimes the best cure for a love hangover is to get real with yourself. I know, breakups are tough. They’re an imminent shock to our system that makes it hard for us to see the glass as half-full. But there are hard-won lessons you can only learn from a heartache that will bring you a more fulfilling life. Embrace your new wisdom and be open to growing from your experience. Now that you’ve read this, I hope you’re ready to rule your breakup like the Upspoken woman you know you are by. Go awf sis!