Living Our Best Lives: Upspoken’s Guide to Dating in Your 40s

Dating at any age can be a challenge but dating in your 40s as a Black woman can be especially challenging. Whew CHILE! It can sometimes feel like a wasteland out there, but it doesn’t have to. Your sisters at Upspoken have your back with a few tips to keep you laughing at the dates that flop and ready for love when it comes to you.

Say What You Want
You’re in your 40s now, which means you stay unbossed and unbothered in all matters and speak up for what you need and want, including in dating. You’re fortunate to have matured enough that love and heartbreak doesn’t faze you because of the hard-won lessons you’ve learned, and you know what works for you in a relationship and what doesn’t. So, be Upspoken about your needs and be confident that the right partner will be someone who appreciates a woman who knows what she wants and ain’t afraid to communicate it.

But Don’t Be Closed Off to Something That Doesn’t Exactly Match
Many of us have that “dating-checklist”—you know that list of requirements that we thought up for the perfect partner from their age to the kind of job they have. Have no shame in knowing what you want, but make sure you aren’t writing off potential partners just because they don’t match that list and be open to the possibility that your desires can expand. Remember, as we age, we’re not just growing as people but growing as partners—so be open to change that happens on all fronts.”

Trust Yourself
All too often we stay in partnerships that just ain’t workin—whether that’s because we feel overly invested in the relationship or have tricked ourselves into thinking we’ve aged out of our chance at “real” love. But sis, you don’t have to settle for mediocre when you deserve excellence. Be confident in knowing you deserve a great partnership that is truly fulfilling. And if your spidey sense is tingling and telling you your expectations will never be met with ol’ boy, it’s perfectly fine to cut your losses and walk your fine behind out the door. Thank you, next!

Don’t Be Afraid of the Apps
You’re from that “no you hang up first” generation that had to transition into a digital adulthood. And while you’ve embraced technology, meeting someone through an app may feel foreign and intimidating, but the reality is doing so may just put you in front of someone you wouldn’t have met otherwise. Of course you should always be safe when meeting someone online and protect your private information, but online dating creates new options to choose from that you may never have even imagined for yourself, from that cute person you never would have run into naturally because they live across town, to that super hot thang you swiped right on, never thinking they’d do the same.

But Embrace What Happens Out in the World, Too
Swiping for love can be fun, but it can also feel like it’s not going anywhere. When it starts to feel that way, don’t be afraid to Shut 👏 It 👏 Down👏 and take a break from the swipe life. Go out to your favorite bar or go catch some live music at that one spot, and make sure to flaunt all that melanin while gettin’ your flirt on.

Stay in the Now
Dating at this age, especially if you want to have children, and haven’t done so already, can make you feel like you need to rush. But half the fun of dating is seeing where the ride takes you. So stop looking ahead, and live in the moment. Not doing so, only serves to ensure you’re living the illusion in your head, rather than building the reality that could be possible.

Be You No Matter What
With online dating you can curate your life to the finest detail, and it might be tempting to embellish your profile, hide your age or post a picture that’s not so recent. Who does that serve, though? Certainly not you, since at some point you may actually want to meet your date in person! So, here’s the thing: Simply don’t do it. Have no shame in your game! You, Queen, are all the things and anyone who can’t see that…that’s on them. Be honest about who you are and what you want, and you can’t go wrong.

Bottomline: Never forget, sis, you’re at that very sexy age where you’re settling fully into your fierceness. So, listen to yourself, because you have all the information you need to know what you want in a partner and what you will no longer settle for. Get out there and choose partners who will lift you up, make you laugh, give you butterflies, curl ya toes, embrace your #BlackGirlMagic and simply let you be you.